It's spring cleaning in autumn! Now is the time to get rid of your baggage.
Forgiveness
So, the last guy cheated on you...let it go and stop following your new man with your headlights off and going through his cell phone. So, the last woman stole from you...stop placing hidden cameras around your crib to catch your new chick with sticky fingers. So the last dude thought you were a punching bag...stop threatening to call your cousins Day-Day and Mookie to come over and "handle" your new man every time he simply raises his voice. Those negative expectations that you dragged with you from the last relationship are going to destroy the new one! Forgiveness is key to give the new love a slight chance. After all, the person you refuse to forgive has most likely moved on...and isn't thinking about your bag-toting behind at all!Humility
This is specifically for the ladies: Stop sizing a person up for what they drive and how much they bank in their 401K. Why does it matter if he has a college education or not...as long as he can provide and can hold an intelligent conversation. Stop worrying about your homegirls seeing you with the guy who slings boxes at UPS. The question is...is he good to you...does he listen to you....does he try his hardest to find a solution for your every problem...does he love you from your head to your toes? Don't compare a man to the man on your friend's arm. Her man may seem great, but he could be a woman-beater, a womanizer, on the down low, etc. Besides, the female friends who have rich men and huge rings on their fingers are miserable 9 times out of 10 and wish they had a man like yours who draws your bath, cleans the house the way you like it and keeps the kids out of your hair so that you can get some last minute work in before bed. Stop for a minute and examine the attractive, successful, intelligent women that you know...most of them are alone because they have too much pride and not enough humility.Reflection
When many of us get out of a relationship, by our own volition or not, we tend to move on to the next without stopping to examine what part we played in the downfall. Many of us just blame the other person for being unfaithful, boring, or just plain crazy. I've skipped this step myself, opting to just move on as fast as possible and bury the last with the other past memories. With my last breakup, I decided to look at myself, to really come to terms with my blame, and I found that I was a bare-minumum chick. Sure, I was faithful and paid half the bills...but I was too selfish to go above and beyond. I went through one relationship for two years promising a back massage that I never gave...I was that selfish. In any case, whether it's selfishness or infidelity or lack of romance or any other countless things that a person can make habitual, we should look at them, pick them apart with a fine-toothed comb after the relationship has ended and vow to not take those habits with us to the next.
