Take Your Family in Doses

Take it from me, because I come from a loud, nosey-bodied family. The type of people who sit around listening for info they can repeat to someone else over a beer and a ciggy. People who have no problem telling you that "you've put on a little weight" or that "you probably shouldn't wear white to your wedding." People with too much free time on their hands.

Don't get me wrong-I love my fam...even the drunks, the ex-cons, the unambitious, and the derelicts. But too many times have I made the mistake of divulging info that went a long way and was completely distorted by the time it made its way back to me. You could tell someone that your man is on probation, and Grandma Odessa would change it to "you know her man is on parole, right?" You could tell someone that you have decided to downsize and move into a smaller place and Cousin Day-Day would change it to, "Did you hear she got evicted?" Okay, so I don't have a Grandma Odessa or a Cousin Day-Day, but you get the point.

Why do families do this? Trust and believe, I've been guilty of it, too. I've found myself on the phone gossiping about cousin So-and-so having yet another baby to yet another different man, or about Aunt So-and-so claiming Aunt Such-and-such's kids on her income taxes to get a bigger refund.

So what do a lot of us do? We disappear. We grow up, get educated, move away, get married, start new families and avoid our extended families unless somebody dies or somebody manages to throw together a family reunion. And even then, we book a hotel room and keep the visit short and sweet. And before we get there, we brief our kids and significant others on just what info can be shared and what info needs to stay "exclusive." I can count on one hand how many times I've flown home.

At the end of the day, family is family. This avoiding technique does a disservice to future generations to come. As much as I don't want my daughter around my cousin who's peddling stolen "designer" bags and bootleg DVD's, or the grandmother who is a pathological liar and feeds the children hog maws and chitterlings behind our backs, I must realize that these people...are MY people. They are part of that tree one which my own children are branched and connected. It's not just about me! So, I know can't choose my family. But I must look at the bigger, more selfless picture, and learn to deal with them...in doses.